Am I Too Old To Cry?

Am I too old to cry?
Too old to get tired of the poking and prodding of needles.

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I wanna go home!
The inner cry of the little girl inside who no longer wants to hide.
Yes I am so very tired!

I prayed to be more like Him, my beloved Jesus.
I prayed to walk out James 1:27 with a pure heart and fullness of joy.
I prayed to desire mercy and give compassion.

Simple prayers so I thought, not realizing the price attached.
It’s my jubilee…..by now shouldn’t my trials, tests and hardships be minimum? NOT

So I cry; no shame in this game, only transparency and His Spirit.
As the nurse attached the small bag of lethal fluid that would burn my veins within seconds and attack my stomach within minutes causing a jerking reaction resulting in violent vomiting ………how long? Only 90 minutes she quietly said.

90 minutes may as well be a lifetime when I have no control and no where to run and hide.

Where are You Daddy?

Daddy! This will occur every 12 hours…..PLEASE DO SOMETHING!

Then I heard His voice and He whispered “look up” and there He was, as promised……..

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Right here with me, not only with me, but crying with me.
Suddenly it was not so bad.
I can cry and WE are not too old…. My Abba and I.

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One thought on “Am I Too Old To Cry?”

  1. beautiful ugly moments bring us closer to the one who sees us and knows us. making us vulnerable and helpless like children to such the kingdom of heaven belongs.
    -Jael

    Like

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