I have heard that request over 500 times in the past 4 weeks and I am tired of it.
Living with Chronic pain and illness does something to your ability to respond the way people expect you to respond. There is no “normal”, there is only pain.
The pain scale has been predetermined by some unknown source and I find it quite annoying and unfair. In most cases the pain I endure is beyond 10, yet I am forced to keep my response within the guidelines of the invisible unknown source.
Lately I have decided that I will not adhere to the pain scale of the invisible “pain management” source. I rate my pain at 14, 15, 18 and sometimes 20….why? because it is what I AM REALLY FEELING as the blood vessels in my brain expand and pulsate, eyes go blur and vertigo takes over. Its definitely not a 10….not even close.
Today, suddenly at 12:32pm; I cannot explain why, nor will I try. After giving the blood thirsty lab person two tubes of blood and saying “thank you” because its the polite thing to do. Its polite to say “thank you” to someone for forcing a long needle into my thick dark skin, which has amazing resistant consistency to it…….and watching my tired vein roll to the left and right, trying its best to dodge the needle. Then “jackpot”, my vein finally surrenders, as I am thinking in my head “you know the routine Miss vein so calm done and be still”.
Back to the suddenly……a sharp pain causally, without warning, invited itself into an area near my right rib cage and liver location. It quickly spread itself out across and down my entire torso and took over both legs within 7 minutes. I tried my best to quickly get to my car before someone noticed that I was about to bend over and eventually lose my ability to walk on my painful legs.
I made it to the car and thank God that my faithful BFF was my driver today. I slide down in the seat and I could hear voices in my head asking the question…..”whats your pain level?” I literally started a two-way conversation in my head about rating my pain. It was 10, 12, 14, 16, then 26! As a tear rolled down my face, I closed my eyes and there He was…..my Comforter.
He gently and softly begin to say YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL; FOR YOU ARE WITH ME; YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF, THEY COMFORT ME…..
My pain level went from 26 to Deep Sleep.