Better is a little with the fear of the LORD, Than great treasure with trouble…Prov 15:16
For where your treasure is , there your heart will be also…Matthew 6:21
Then Jesus,looking at him (me), Loved him (me), said to him (me), “One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me….Mark 10:21
Pure and undefiled religion before GOD and The Father is: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. James 1:27
It was my world and so I believed that in my world I should live according to my rules. The world (Babylon) had my heart and mind in a tight grip.
Sure I attended church every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, and I was a leader within the ministry and I had to look the part. It was essential that I owned a home with no less than 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, formal dining room, eat in kitchen, laundry room, office, deck, screened porch, 2-car garage and circular driveway…….100% brick of course.
I had my Sunday only vehicle, my SUV and my not so new “beater” car……one just never know when they will need to drive 3 vehicles all at once. I owned over 200 pairs of shoes and four closets full of clothing. My hair was done by a professional twice a week; you know the rest.
In 2007 I traveled to South Africa and visited orphanages, metal shacks, cardboard houses, and saw families of 10 or more living in one room dirt floor shacks with no electricity or running water , yet their enthusiasm, love for God and contentment could not be ignored. I did not mention anything to my team who traveled with me, but my heart was ripped out of my chest. Not at the situations of the beautiful South African people but at the situation living inside of me. I was confronted with something I had never experienced and I knew that God was up to something in my heart.
I returned to America hurting deeply. The years 2008-2012 were the most agonizing, excruciating and emotionally painful years of my adult life. I cried out to God to be more like Him and He heard my cry and started responding immediately. I traveled to various parts of Africa several times during those years, as well as traveling to Thailand. What I saw in the lovers of Jesus in those nations, I did not see in myself, nor in most of the believers I knew in the USA. It was a vast difference, yet we all carried the same Bible, our road map to living this life. We all said we accepted Jesus as our LORD, yet the fruit was different over there.
I found out quickly that my demented definition of “blessed” had nothing to do with the heart of the God I claimed to love and serve. In my mind to be blessed meant to have all the material possessions I could get my hands on and to protect them at all cost. When I would hear the words “idolatry and lover of money”, I would close my ears…..CONVICTION!
It was in 2011 when I went to the hospital for a simple 1 hour surgery and woke up 3 days later only to find out the surgery was 8 hours long and I had some serious health issues. It took me over 12 months to fully recover and during that time I was staring at the “woman in the mirror” daily and I HATED what I saw. I spent countless hours sitting quietly with the LORD and He saved me for real. I prayed, cried, prayed and cried some more. It was on that sick bed where the transformation to simplicity began.
The year 2013 would be my Jubilee year; the year I turned 50 years old. I was not looking forward to turning 50 because it seem so final and that death would surely come quickly. I even wanted to take my own life prior to 50 because I was so in bondage to this world. But GOD in His goodness had a plan for my life. I had never experienced real joy and peace prior to this period in my life. My previous years of salvation (1990-2013) was a big hypocritical hoax.
As the love of my Abba broke my heart over and over again, the walls slowly came down and the mask peeled its many layers off of my so-called perfect life. I was finally naked and unashamed! I lost many “so-called” friends and some of the ones who remained treated me indifferently. The average American Christian fear the truth about our status. We are the rich young rulers upon this earth.
There is so much more to this story that only a book could hold…..so I hope to write that book real soon.
FAST FORWARD TO NOVEMBER 2014…….after husband abandoning me, foreclosure on the 3000 sq foot home and bankruptcy and two more surgeries (17 total in my life) and 30 years of intense migraine headaches…….I am FREE and living in my 13×11 room.
The red dirt of Kenya and the 2000 daughters I have there has shown me that I am nothing. It is only in Jesus and through Jesus that I have a life here on earth. LESS IS DEFINITELY MORE for me. Now I understand why Jesus told the rich young ruler in Luke 18 to sell all that he had and to give to the poor……..there is something spiritually so much greater when our lives are no longer clouded by stuff and the pursuit of the American nightmare.
James 1:27 is one of the greatest scriptures in the Bible because it summarizes God’s heart in few words. It is what He sees ad knows that really matters in the end. And the end will surely come because we are living a vapor every single day.
Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and financial help for the many orphans in Kenya and beyond.
Eseosa Akinyi Nafula Rain