God is in the business of using the unlikely to perform the holy. There is no predicting whom He will choose to act on His behalf in powerful ways. I think we all as mere human beings have the tendency to rule people out based on external observation and we definitely tend to rule ourselves out based on failures, hurt and pain. I am guilty of ruling me out over and over again. I still cannot wrap my mind around why God would want to use me for anything. So many times I feel so inadequate, fearful and even clumsy. Yet Father in His mercy draws me unto Himself and speaks to me anyway.
I have had two husbands walk out on me due to their own personal sinful addictions and during those traumatic times in my life I was in pain that cannot be put into words, yet now I barely remember the pain. The sting of it is long gone due to the love of a faithful Father.
Brokenness and loss will draw you into a ferocious and necessary conflict with God. My faith was tested by the hour and I had more questions than answers. Yet I wanted God like I had never wanted Him before. I knew deep down inside that He was the ONLY person who could see and feel my pain with me. He was the ONLY person who could heal me.
And God in His mercy used some of the poorest people upon this earth to show me the error of my ways. He used the “red dirt of Africa” to reveal to me MY REAL PROBLEM in life…….ME.
As I look into the eyes of so many street kids who beg on the streets of Nairobi every single day and most days they don’t get anything, so they sniff glue to quiet the hunger pains. Some know and really love Jesus, while others don’t. Yet they all have this look in their eyes that shouts out “innocence”. How can I focus on my own situation which is nothing compared to theirs. And do I really have a situation?…..selah.
I wanna run the other way because of the guilt I feel because I am so ungrateful most of the time and because of the smell that comes from the street kids. I learned today not to rule them out or anyone else for that matter because my selfishness stinks even worse.
I cried out to God this morning for over 4 hours…….I cried out about the physical issues I have to endure, the tug of war in my heart for comfort-ability, my losses in life and the pain of wanting to be free from myself.
C.S. Lewis wrote “God whispers to us in our pleasures but shouts in our pains”. He has not forsaken me. God is preparing me for something greater than I can even imagine in my small mind. It will require selflessness and totally unconditional love every single day of my life upon this earth. I will find myself in places that the average Christian refuses to go.
James 1:27 is truly my daily bread now. This journey is killing me and rightly so! Die Sherry so that He can rise to the forefront of my life and shine His light brightly!