Diagnosis: Menopause

I knew this day would come and I have dreaded hearing those words from my doctor. She even did some blood work to confirm it…..ahh man!

I am living the vapor in my jubilee years and I know I am 51 years old, but I look 20ish and feel 30ish most of the time …..smiling.

But I have been experiencing some “shady” symptoms over past few months and they can stop me in my tracks most of the time.

For instance, insomnia has gripped me and I find myself sleeping maybe two hours out of a 24 hour period. I use the time to pray, read and create. I tried complaining but it made things worse.

Aging is not my friend right now. I thank God for allowing me to see the ripe ole age of 50 years old (1/2 of 100), but I am not dealing with it well. When I try to communicate this truth to my friends, I get so much negative feedback. But it does not change the truth that aging hurts for some of us…….now I said it out loud.

I visited my 80 year old Mother a couple of months ago; she lives in another State and I had the honor of helping her caretaker give her a bath and it was hard for me to see how her body has changed. My Mom was always a strong woman who kept all six of us in line all of the time. She was a stay-at-home Mom who cooked, cleaned and wash loads of laundry every day. And she could swing a belt when we needed to. I thank God for my spankings because I was something else……lol.

It was extremely humbling to see my Mom unable to do anything for herself and to know that one day if I live long enough, I may end up having to be cared for in such a way.




As you can see my Mom is still a beautiful strong looking woman, but her body has taken a turn. I look just like my Mom when she was my age and I get to see a live progression of how I will look if I live to see 80 years old. I may not have the physical limitations but I will definitely feel different than I feel now. This present menopause is revealing that to me daily….my body is taking its turn in life.

My grandmother (my Mom’s Mother) was 101 when she went home to be with the LORD and she was just as beautiful and strong.

Isaiah 46:4 says “Even to your old age, I am HE, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry and will deliver you”. AMEN! to this promise from my Abba Father.

I thank GOD that He allows me to figure this change of life out and He does not mind me asking Him questions and voicing my fears and concerns. He loves my “ugly beautiful” moments.

Its hard to see the picture that was taken of me just last month while traveling in Kenya Africa:


I realize I look really young; the photographer asked to see my passport to prove my age….lol.

When I am with my 30 year old son, people constantly assume we are siblings or a couple……so weird!

The diagnosis “menopause” is definitely a tangible reality in my life right now regardless of how I look on the outside. I am definitely in need of my Abba’s grace and mercy during this journey. Oh how I love HIM!

Thank you friends and your prayers are appreciated.

Eseosa Rain


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