My Secret Revealed

Today I decided to share beyond with my inner circle that I was on the list to possibly receive a service dog to help me overcome PTSD & depression issues. The response I received from most was very discouraging. All they see is what I allow them to see. But inside I am screaming out for help.
At night I lie awake for hours, afraid of dreaming or have severe panic attacks in my sleep.

So many days I can’t even enter a grocery store because my heart beats rapidly, I sweat and fear consumes me. I cannot control it, yet people close to me make me feel so alone and ashamed.
In Christ I know that I am not alone, but there are days I crave the support of a loving, encouraging human being and all I get are blank stares or demeaning remarks.
Granted, I do carry myself as this strong, confident and successful woman. But I have to in order to protect myself.
I don’t expect anyone who has never been raped, conceived & given birth; rejected by fellow soldiers, called racist names, moved from unit to unit when I complained to my superiors, victim of 2 abortions, years of cutting my body, mutilated female organs, migraine headaches, fibromyalgia, isolation tendencies and suicide thoughts off and on, as well as attempts. I serve my country 12 years and 10 of those years were hell.
This doesn’t just go away. And I am tired of pretending to make everyone else comfortable. Yes I get to travel the world in my Jubilee journey year, but I am under the influence of over 7 medications to keep me somewhat stable as I travel. It’s not easy, but it has given me some courage. Because I love to help people.
So I say to my naysayers, I will be completely free one day soon, until then you can love me or leave me. But I have ONE chance at this life and I plan to live it to glorify GOD, not man.

Yes I need a service dog…I need a true, loving devoted friend.

I thank GOD for this awesome opportunity!

Living At His Feet,
Eseosa Rain



3 thoughts on “My Secret Revealed”

  1. First let me say thank you for the courage to be transparent and share your story…your innermost struggles. It is only through acknowledging and embracing truth that we are truly set free. For we all have things we wrestle with, various fears, things that haunt us from our past, decisions we made and now regret, and so on, but I am so grateful for the life-giving Word of the Lord. Is it easy? No! Is it possible? ABSOLUTELY! While we are frail at best, we are never told to stand in our own strength, but to stand in the strength of the LORD. It is His strength, His joy, His peace, and His love that allows us to overcome everything we will ever encounter in this life. The enemy CANNOT win because Jesus has already won and if Jesus has already won, WE WIN! Keep on fighting mighty soldier of God! We love you and are here for you. There is much that Abba Father desires to do through you!


  2. Victory is yours for the taking. Deliver the enemy to Hell and deliver your whole being to the grandest and only Savior alive! I claim in the name of Jesus that the PTSD and all soul ties will be broken very soon. You will glow like Moses did when he was in the presence of God when he received the tablets of the 10 commandments.These are not just stories of the past. This is real today still. Satan cannot take your soul or salvation but until you release the demonic rights, you will be oppressed but have hope my sister that you have been given the the servants of Jesus to get you there.
    I’m so proud of your truth and honesty of your life. This testimony will grow into a miracle and Jesus’ wants you to share the good news of His ministry still alive today. I love you but Jesus loved you more .He died for you.


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