Today I decided to share beyond with my inner circle that I was on the list to possibly receive a service dog to help me overcome PTSD & depression issues. The response I received from most was very discouraging. All they see is what I allow them to see. But inside I am screaming out for help.
At night I lie awake for hours, afraid of dreaming or have severe panic attacks in my sleep.
So many days I can’t even enter a grocery store because my heart beats rapidly, I sweat and fear consumes me. I cannot control it, yet people close to me make me feel so alone and ashamed.
In Christ I know that I am not alone, but there are days I crave the support of a loving, encouraging human being and all I get are blank stares or demeaning remarks.
Granted, I do carry myself as this strong, confident and successful woman. But I have to in order to protect myself.
I don’t expect anyone who has never been raped, conceived & given birth; rejected by fellow soldiers, called racist names, moved from unit to unit when I complained to my superiors, victim of 2 abortions, years of cutting my body, mutilated female organs, migraine headaches, fibromyalgia, isolation tendencies and suicide thoughts off and on, as well as attempts. I serve my country 12 years and 10 of those years were hell.
This doesn’t just go away. And I am tired of pretending to make everyone else comfortable. Yes I get to travel the world in my Jubilee journey year, but I am under the influence of over 7 medications to keep me somewhat stable as I travel. It’s not easy, but it has given me some courage. Because I love to help people.
So I say to my naysayers, I will be completely free one day soon, until then you can love me or leave me. But I have ONE chance at this life and I plan to live it to glorify GOD, not man.
Yes I need a service dog…I need a true, loving devoted friend.
I thank GOD for this awesome opportunity!
Living At His Feet,