Today Was Most Difficult Day of My Life

I’ve imagine the phone call and this type of day many times but never actually thought it would play out this way. I knew in October 1990. when I flew home from Germany to Virginia to see my Dad who was ill with cancer, that it would be my last time seeing him alive.  He did not want to say it but the doctors made it clear to myself since I lived so far and had to return to my miltary base regardless of what was going to happen.  And my Abba confirmed it in my heart.  It was a long goodbye.  Dad helped ease the pain because he made plans to visit my son and I in Germany that following April; however, he was in Heaven by mid-January 1991.  He slipped away at 3am, alone in his hospital room.  It was the first and only night my Mother decided to go home and freshen up and get a good night sleep; Dad had other plans.  I know he made it easier for her.

BUT today! Whoa! (tears streaming)…….a simple bladder infection entered my Mom’s blood stream and basically poison her entire system.  Doctors gave her less then 36 hours, yet her blood pressure is 56/40 and slowly dropping.  They have made her comfortable.  I know she is ready BUT I AM NOT.  I am 51 years old and I feel like a little girl who is not done playing “tea party” with my Mom.  So many good byes today and so many tears flowing from the eyes od my 5 siblings and over 26 grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

Yet her heart beats slowly, breathing shallow and eyes not so focused.   No more words or physical movement….its so hard!

 

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