Today was extremely trying for me. It was day 2 of my adventure toward greater freedom; facing the Giants of my past. It was time to write my story board so that we can begin filming tomorrow.
The challenge for me was the idea of grouping with 2-3 others and sharing my story. I thought it would be easy but the uniforms caused me to lock up. I literally shut down and checked out mentally and emotionally. The room became smaller and my heart stopped beating (at least it felt like it did).
The reality of what was deep inside was at the surface and I had no one to run to for help, except Holy Spirit. He brought Joshua 1:9 back to me as I sat alone with tears streaming down my face. The room was full but I was alone. It’s difficult to explain to others who have not experienced the pain of serving and surviving.
I must admit that as I walked on post today it felt good to see the soldiers and smell the air of an active duty environment. I miss my brethren in that aspect. Yet my mind remembers the dark side.
One of the professional film makers was brave enough to approach me and gently guide me out of my place of self protection and dread. She reminded me that my story does matter and it’s ok to tell it. So I decided to do a silent film, which can be more difficult than a film with actual speaking. But I am up for the challenge. 😊