I am in Belize working hard trying to complete my book titled "The Unworthy Womb". It's a story of Rape, Rejection and Redemption. As I write my truth, I am experiencing many layers of rejection being exposed. God is literally peeling me like an onion and the tears are flowing like there is no end.
I definitely don't have all the answers, but I do know that rejection can be a silent killer. It's wipes out your ability to see yourself through the lenses of God's word.
I am well aware that YOU PERFECT good Christians have never experienced what I am writing about and you have many scriptures to spit at me, but hold your tongues for now.
There is a voice that convinces you that you are unloved, unwanted and not worthy of anything good. And trust me my beloved readers….looking at my life from the outside, many know I am always walking in God's Goodness; He has been and is extremely good to me. YET, the inside of me is screaming. It's an inner mental assault that works day and night to kill me and many others. It's desire is to slaughter our identity in Christ Jesus.
I believe the past few months have been truly challenging in this area for many of God's Movers & Shakers in the Kingdom. I've heard story after story of the mental battle with Rejection and Self-Rejection. I know I am not alone, but most will not publicly admit to their truth. And I fully understand why….many of our fellow brethren in the Body of Christ can be brutal. They are to perfect to understand this issue; therefore leaving them incapable of showing compassion and love to someone struggling with Rejection.
And that stance is truly a heart problem because it's not our Jesus approach or response. I read this blog the other day and WOW! Here is an excerpt:
"When the tsunami hit, I could not be reasoned with; I felt completely unloved and unwanted. My whole identity was under attack. Not standing firm against the lies, I believed the accusation that I was rejected.
My heart brimmed with a pain that would not relent. Satan’s fiery darts ripped through me, and every relationship was tainted with his sick suggestions. I felt rejection at every turn, most of which made no sense whatsoever.
My mind was so clouded that I couldn’t see clearly.
Let’s just say that I didn’t stand firm. I fell for every dark and sinister accusation.
Here’s the deal: If I had been counselling someone else experiencing these types of negative thoughts, I would have instantly recognized it as an attack and prayed for the individual.
But in the midst of it myself, I couldn’t discern that my thoughts were lies and not based in reality.
That’s the thing about deception: we don’t easily recognize that we are being deceived.
My fears seemed so real, especially when random circumstances appeared to validate and point to the veracity of the taunts." THE END
I could totally relate to this blog post. I read it over and over again. I cried and cried. I know Abba sent this blog directly to my email inbox to let me know that I was not alone.
I really do have people in my life who have rejected me because they are no longer receiving what they want from me; it's real, it's painful. BUT, God sees and knows all. His love is not based on conditions.
Many will simply say "love yourself and love God and all will be perfect". It's so much more than that. The Lord is showing me that He knows how to peel the layers and perform the heart surgery and bring complete forever healing.
So in the meantime….cry if you must. Scream if you need to. Pray quietly. But above all, know that HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!
He got us!
The Body of Christ Is entering into the Biblical year of 5778 and God is preparing some extremely radical Sons and Daughters up in this hour. We will be rejected like Jesus and many will physically die for our beliefs. So we must be able to handle this season of pain, processing and healing.
Get ready! You will find yourself alone often. It's just the life of an Eagle. But don't deny or hide the pain; it's real, so walk in your truth and remain transparent.