Suffering is saving me real good….

In the past five months I’ve had to endure the most difficult journey of my adult life. I thought I had endured and been through some really difficult times in my life. BUT not so! Not in comparison to this unstoppable storm of physical pain, insomnia, headaches, memory loss and fatigue.

I have cried out to God like never before. I know He is my only source right now.

This present cycle of excruciating physical pain has taken the trophy for my life’s most difficult season.

Romans 8:17 says “….only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.” (AMP)

Prior to this season of my life I ignored such scriptures. Between the teachings we hear now and Christians on social media, the popular message is that once we are saved, it’s all about our “best life now”.

The distorted definition of “blessed” means not being uncomfortable or sick or broke or sad, etc., it means getting everything your heart desires because you are a child of the King.

Well I am finally learning the full doctrine of my King of Kings. And it’s because of the suffering that He was able to awaken me to my “ugly beautiful” life of physical suffering yet spiritual bliss.

Guess what?! Romans 8:18 says “For I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us and for us and conferred on us!” (AMP)

After screaming bloody murder during the beginning stages of this physical ailment and rebuking the devil on an hourly basis, my beloved Abba Father gently whispered to me “this is not an attack that I am not aware of; I am right here with you”.

OMG! I was scared. Why? Because the story of Job came to my mind and I did not want to go through what Job went through. I wept and wept for days. I was afraid to pick my Bible back up to read more truth.

I started going to five different doctors looking for answers and instant relief. The diagnoses were Blood Bacteria, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and finally several blood tests revealed Lupus.

I was offered all types of medications, but rejected them all.

Prior to this level of physical suffering, Abba had me on the journey of learning how to eat what He created for our bodies to consume and be healthy. He also had been teaching me the dangers of medications manufactured by pharmaceutical companies. This had been a three year process (2015-2018) and I had fully accepted the truth and was eating only plant based foods and working out daily.

But my beloved Jesus had so much more for me. He wanted to give me Himself. Of course like many many many other Christians I had convinced myself that I was full of Jesus; full of Holy Spirit and knew my Abba Father.

But it was not true….I only thought I was full of Jesus when everything was going my way. As long as I felt great, looked great, had money, ate often, traveled and presented myself properly on social media……I was the bomb! NOT!

1 Peter 4:12-13 says

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy”. (KJV)

The word of God speaks on and points to the necessity of suffering throughout the Bible. It’s not an option for the true believer. It is a prerequisite for greatness in His Kingdom. Which is totally contrary to the world’s standards. But when we are more wrapped up in the world’s mindset we dismiss God’s word in its totality.

James 1:2 says “consider it joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort…” (AMP)

I’ve noticed that God’s word instructs us to take on an attitude of joy and excitement. Yet our first response is to make it go away.

And many Christian brethren will literately stop talking to you because you are suffering with an infirmity that is taking too long to disappear.

God has really enlightened me to so much about myself, His word and the reality of the state of the Body of Christ at large.

I am sure there will be more blogs on this subject as I continue to endure and trust God in agreement with His word.

In conclusion, if you are suffering beyond your control, I encourage you in this truth: “3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”. James 1:3-4 (NJKV).


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